Friday, 4 November 2011

Welcome to Awesomeland

This blog is actually 3 days old.  Magic trick number one, dudes.  It's a Fblog, not a Blog, cos it started out on Facebook, cos I was too lazy to make a real blog.  But on the plus side it now has a sort of original name, that sounds like some sort of made-up insult.  Like if someone came up and told me I was such a Fblog in attempt to piss me off, except it wouldn't work cos I'd take it as a compliment and be "aww, thanks," and then they'd be really confused at my reaction forget why they were mad at me and we'd eat cupcakes.  So it's sort of like I'm working for world peace.  Pageant queens can suck it cos they've got nothing on me.

Another bonus of my laziness is that i've already written a stack of posts, so it's gonna make it look like I'm really prolific.

I would also like to point out that the tagline for this blog about cats is just a line that I love from this video .  I don't have a cat because my mum is a frog lover and I was raised to think cats are the devil cos they murder endangered wildlife.  But don't get too upset if you love cats because there are a whole lot of things my mum thinks are the devil and I don't really believe her about those either:

- dishwashers, because they use electricity and apparently waste water
- airconditioners because they make a truckload of carbon monoxide
- microwaves because they give you cancer
- mobile phones because they give you brain tumours
- not composting because it kills the earth and gives you cancer
- plastic food containers because they leech chemicals into your food
- imported food because it's grown in rice paddies fertilized by human waste
- deodorant because it has aluminium in it that gives you altzheimers
- spray cans because they screw up the ozone layer, which then gives you cancer
- shaving your legs because it panders to anti-feminist ideals of what women should look like
- cane toads because they kill frogs (she prefers the brick-throwing - method of cane toad killing over the put-them-in-the-freezer method)
- expiry dates on food, because they are put there by multinational companies designed to cause us to waste locally grown food and put farmers out of business and give you cancer
- internet banking because people will steal your identity
- not shredding letters with your name or address on them because someone will steal your identity when they go through your rubbish and will pretend to be you and go on your internet banking and give you cancer

It may not come as a huge surprise that I find it amusing to call her while loading the dishwasher with the air conditioner on while re-heating imported takeaway in the microwave in its plastic takeaway container after shaving my legs and fulling intending to throw the leftovers in the general waste bin, after ordering the takeaway online and asking the delivery guy to take out my unshredded letter to the bin while reeking of pretty deodorant.  She is also the person I mentioned earlier who thought I shouldn't post this stuff on facebook at the risk of offending people or having people I've met once know too much about me, so maybe a bit of the paranoia rubbed off on me.  I'll probably get cancer.

Peace out, home dogs!

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